Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
