Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
