You just made me feel so damn special
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
