I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
