i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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