Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
