your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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