she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
4 words: hood of his car
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
