a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
