so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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