Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it penis luge time yet?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How does it feel to date your dad?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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