His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
