Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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