this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
