New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
