she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
