I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
