That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
