I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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