about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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