i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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