My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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