so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
