Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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