I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
