drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
