My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
