mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it's great music for shaving your balls
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
