I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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