using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
