we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You were trust falling into bushes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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