Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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