I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
