I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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