Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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