Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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