I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dignity is for republicans.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
