So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
