Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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