New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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