the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Randomize
