The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
