so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
