My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
