If that was your dad, he is hot
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
