what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
