Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
