i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
