I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So many bounce houses so little time
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
