I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
