I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize