then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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