At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
