Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
