This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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