also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
