What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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