There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
