I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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