you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
