Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
