my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
