how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
