o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
