my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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