but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
