Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
