Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
