Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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