I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
