Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
