The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
