the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize