Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
