I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
