It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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