??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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