I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
