honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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