make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
