I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
