How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
