I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize