He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
