sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
