Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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