Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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