I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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