Cold hands, warm shart.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you remember whose house we're in?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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