I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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