I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The best revenge is premature balding
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
