final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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