I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
