the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
