I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
