She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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