There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
