im drinking this country out of the recession.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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