I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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