I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You can't special order awesome
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
