Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
