you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
