the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
