Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Non-Jews are for practice
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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