no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
