There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
