You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need a beard to bite.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize