Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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