he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
