We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
