Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm experimenting with sincerity
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
