Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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